Of Mind, Thoughts, Heart of My Ex-Teen Angst
I can’t wait to grow up so that I can do whatever I want
— My Ex-Teen Angst
Growing up as a kid during the 90s in Malaysia was tough. But before going into the nasty details, yes, nasty, it is also the peak of pop boy bands genre before their downfall entering the late 2000s. Thank you for the memories from Westlife, Backstreet Boys, and Simple Plan!
Now, for the nasty —
Growing up as a kid during the 90s in Malaysia was tough — a subjective comparison to today’s way of living with the infinite ways that we can get ourselves connected.
My parents, as with most Asian parents, brought me up with the idea of “respecting your elders” to be the utmost important value in my moral compass. Acknowledging them by the hierarchy of the family tree. The elders always have the right of way, whether their argument points are valid, ridiculous, or sometimes illogical. That’s the way it’s been. Being the eldest, and no one to look up to as to why? I just followed. But I’ve always would wonder why that is.
Second to that, education. I would get yelled at for my silly mistakes done in my homework and especially revisions for finals. Getting good grades was drilled in my mind, and anything less than would mean that I get punished. I would wonder why that is.
Time at home is structured nicely, everything done at home has got to somehow relate to the furnished timetable. The usual tuitions and what time to head for bed. Going out anywhere during my teenage years requires me to report where I’m going and with whom I’m going. Why the need for this privacy invasion? I don’t have to tell them everything, do I? I’ve always wondered why that is.
Handphones, branded clothing; fancy items, as the teenagers then labeled it was not something that comes by a lot. Often earned because of good grades and by achieving agreed-upon goals with my parents, I yearned and cherished those moments when they hit. I always wondered why some of my peers would have those items freely … I would wonder why that is.
I’m out in the working space now. Time is literally of the essence. Deadlines, budget, relationships. How do I keep them all in line?!
Working and earning my own keeps felt different. It gave me a whole new perspective on life and how one works. Free things almost always, have strings attached to them. New’s too good to be true? Double, triple check them.
The value of things, time, and relationships started to become real to me. Slowly but surely the things and problems that seemed so big to me when I was a kid slowly become an anthill.
Relooking back at how far I’ve come. I can slowly answer all the wonderment that I’ve posed for myself. I understood why my parents did those things that I thought were ridiculous. They taught me in the forms of experiences. Respect, honesty, hard work, and how to love in a relationship.
There’s a reason behind all the things my parents do. I, as a naive kid, just wasn’t ready to embrace the idea that they know mostly what’s best for us.
If I have a choice of changing my past? I don’t think I would. That’s what life is, taking one thing at a time and learning as we go. Though… I would change the word nasty I used earlier, but… who am I kidding. I was a kid, and things I experienced at that age were nasty and illogical — I was looking forward to growing up so that I can do whatever I wanted!
So thank you, mum and dad… for your upbringing of me into this imperfect world and ever-changing world, please forgive my ex-teen angst, she’s just a phase that I’ve to experience :)
